Let's Get Real...

I'm going to be very open and honest with you about something: my fire's been burning low lately. You know when that happens to you? When the things of God just start to interest you a little less and less and you start living or acting a bit more selfishly than you would when you're more active in your walk?

Maybe it's been the pressure of the world around me, or maybe it's been the disappointment I've had with people and myself (and, trust me, there's been a lot of that) but I've been abandoning the process of daily renewal I once dedicated myself to, and I've allowed hurt and frustration to determine how I'm walking with God.

I honestly wasn't going to post about this, but, around this time last year, right before Camp 4:12, I posted something about how I felt like I needed to re-evaluate the things in my life and just remind myself of why I do anything. God spoke to me very specifically at camp about it all, and Nate even used the very words that I had written about *he doesn't read my blog* to explain what God was trying to tell me.

Now, almost a year later, I sit and think about what Paul wrote in Revelation about God's only problem with the church in Ephesus as He says,
               
              "Yet I hold this against you: you have forsaken the love you had at first."

And I think about my own walk with God. I think that, like the church, I've done everything right. That is, almost everything. Earlier on, God is talking about how they've done good deeds, worked hard, and persevered; I'd have to say I've done the same this past year. I'd say I've done that a lot this year. However, similarly, I have forsaken the love I once had for God.

This isn't confession time or me trying to write a discouraging post, but, rather, it's a challenge to consider where you yourself are in your own journey and a testament to how God is actually working and moving in me. It's amazing how faithful love is. Even though my fire has been burning lower than it once had, I can confidently say that it's still burning... because nothing can separate me from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus.

Looking back, I realize that a lot of what left a bad taste in my mouth was all complication of the simple passion I once had for Christ. I know it's easy in church to just give lip service, and watching people and, even myself, not fulfill all my expectations or not be as committed to their calling as I thought they'd be made it so that I questioned if I could really do what I wanted to for God.

But really, what I challenged myself to do in that last blog post before Camp last year, what I've been consistently challenged to do in this previous season I've been in, and what our youth group has been challenged to do in the "Follow" series we just had, is the way to continuously activate our fire.

And it's this, to ask ourselves this one question: Why did I start following Jesus in the first place?

I know it's hard. It's hard to walk humbly with God like I desire to. It's hard when I want others to feel the same way I do about the works of God, and they simply don't. But I listened to a message today that made a good point. The pastor said that God's presence can be compared to a campfire. Some Christians like to get as close to the fire as possible without getting into it, and that, just because you feel the heat, it doesn't mean you're burning. However, our God is an all-consuming fire. So if we have Him inside of us, so long as we are continuously fanning our flames, our lives will produce the heat that gives evidence of our walking with Him.

This message had been everything that had been on my mind. Lately, I've thought a lot about the verse in Acts where the Bible talks about the people's impression of the disciples and it says, "they were astonished, and took note that these men had been with Jesus."

I want my life to be as evident as that. I want people to be able look at me and say, "she's been with Jesus." I'm sure we all do. But the funny thing about that is, in order for our lives to manifest such commentary, we actually have to spend time with Jesus, and spending time with Him is easiest done when we remember why we fell in love with Him in the first place and then we vow to renew that love daily.

I've been very discouraged by the fruit of the lives of the Christians today (myself included), and I think it's caused me to want more from my own life. I, like many of us, have asked God to break my heart for what breaks His, but I've also asked Him to not let me succeed in things that don't matter... and He brought me back to that same concept of love. Again, I now I've posted about this (love) before, but it's just evidence that God is speaking this to me in an urgent way. He tells me in His word that, if I do anything else in life, yet fail to love, I have failed in every way. I've known that, but I haven't really known that.

I got a word a few months ago about how God was preparing to take me to a new level, and it's funny that this word was given to me at a time where I was extremely dissatisfied.



That's how I've been feeling about God. I just want to get back. So I told God this, and I made a goal for this summer. It's kind of a big one and a bold one, but I'll share it with you too. I made the goal that I wanted to get closer to God than I've ever been in my entire life, and I find no coincidence that God led me to think about love even more than I had before as soon as I made that goal.

I want to live a life of meaning and of evidence of the God I serve, so that means I need to love. I thought about love and God being the embodiment of love, and I realized I was asking what love is when I should have been asking who love is, and God is love. The closer I get to love, the closer I get to God.

It's interesting that when God told Joshua He would give Him every place He set his foot to, He told him that He would do so only if he followed the law. Today, the only law we have before us is to love the Lord our God with all our being.  But if we love God, that means we love people.

 And that's the heart of the gospel. While we were sinners, Christ loved us. He loved us enough to set us free from whatever addiction, bondage, guilt or hurt that held us down, so we fell in love with Him. Now our mission is to love Him back, and our proof of love for Him is the love we have for others.


I want to love God, and I want to love like God does. To truly love like He does... and I know that will be hard... But I already know anything easy probably isn't going to be worth it.

I want my life to be worth it.


Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...

One day, I'll be able to replace my name with the the word 'love.'

I'm excited for camp. I truly am. But, this year, I see a different excitement and expectation than I did last year. I see an individual longing and preparation for a move of God in each one of us, and a coming renewal of His presence that will bring something of the magnitude we see in Acts chapter 4. It's not a collective, giant group announcement of how great camp will be this year, but, rather, I think it's a soft whisper in each of our hearts that God wants to bring us up to the mountain and meet us there, and it's cool to see how each of us are preparing for it. 

Well. I love you guys, and I can't wait until we get to talk again.