"It's your love, it's your love that has saved me."

Whoa..
Two posts in one day! I don't have too much to say this time apart from the fact that I think the key to overcoming circumstances is to understand that His love conquers all, and His strength is made perfect in our weakness

• 
  
• "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

It's an amazing thing when a human being, naturally proud, can forget about themselves and their circumstances long enough to worship GOD, the maker of everything... and, in doing that, they are s e t  f r e e. When you lose yourself, you eventually find God. 

God opposes the proud. He always has. Let's be humble in heart and admit that we're wrong, yes, but, even more, let's actually try to stop focusing on ourselves and turn our focus and direction on Him, and that is the greatest sign of humility- not thinking of yourself as important enough to be first in your own life anymore; giving God the reign over your life. 

You've all seen this skit before, I'm sure, but think of it as it applies to yourself. Think of your situations and where you're at and where God is with you. He is beautiful really, and just a glimpse of Him gives me peace that passes all understanding...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA&playnext=1&list=PL967758B68F575353&index=28

In His presence is the only place I want to be, and the only place I constantly run to after trials and tests and failures and laughs and blessings and fun times and happy days. ALWAYS. It's HIM I constantly desire to experience. HIM who gives me such an amazing experience and takes the weight off my shoulders every time He fills me with His Spirit. 

"My heart's in constant chaos."

I am literally facing one of the most stressful weeks of my life... And it's great, haha. No joke. I'm literally counting down the days until it is over, but I don't think I'd have it any other way. I strongly dislike the content of what I have to face, but I know I have a God who is bigger than any of these things, and I sound crazy and rambling because I have two minutes to write this post before I have to run off and be swept back into my crazy life of schoolwork and family... Mostly schoolwork. It's five in the morning and I have a thousand and one things to do, yet, the only thing I really want to do is just worship God. He is really the only thing I truly want out of many things, and I'm dying to spend time with Him. I can't remember the last time I felt like the world was trying to shove me into the ground and have me dig my own grave like this, but I feel like simply KNOWING God is there and for me would suffice above everything else I could even ask for. I don't know. I don't even know why I'm writing, seeing as I should be getting in some last minute studying before rushing off into my day, but I wanted to just stop and worship God through my recognition. Worship is much more than a song, and I want to do a bit this morning before I get consumed by my daily worries. oh that the true worshippers would worship in spirit and in truth... This is the truth I will hold fast to today:

Psalms 118:4-7

4 Let those who fear the LORD say: "His love endures forever." 5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. 6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? 7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in tri


If He is for me, then who can stand against me? Myself? Nahh.... He will deliver me. My pain has only left me even more thirsty. I serve an EVERLASTING God. Well, until my sanity returns, friends! :)


This week is teaching me so much already, and it just started. May my hands be emptied, God.

Fickle situations, people, their failed plans, and other strange things about being human (aka, me.)

Fickle...

Although a funny word, it is one I believe can go a long way in describing the thought processes, beliefs, and mindsets of not only people today, but people throughout history, even back to biblical times.

Nobody knows what they want anymore- and I am no exception. 

If you knew me at all, you'd know that some of my most important life decisions are made by way of "Eeenie-meanie, minie mo."

You'd know that I can't stand not knowing if the plans I have for the next day are going to follow through or fall through. 

You'd know that I absolutely {hate} when people change their minds about certain issues, but I can't seem to keep mine the same for more than two minutes.

You'd know that I stand up for my beliefs, but my beliefs may change on a daily basis, and this is only the start of it.

The word fickle, according to my handy-dandy iPhone dictionary, literally means "liable to sudden, unpredictable change" and "marked by erratic changeableness in affections or attachments."

Doesn't that sound a lot like us? Well, if you don't think that describes you, I'm just going to be honest and say I feel like the first definition is very suiting for me and my relationship with my maker. Very, very suiting.

We change our minds and desires based on what is going on around us, and we expect our maker to change with us. Yes, we see one thing, we pray a certain direction. We see another? We pray the exact *opposite* prayer. And, yet, we wonder why God doesn't answer us... Even though we did say "in Jesus' name." 

Now, our plans change according to our hearts and minds as well, and this means that sometimes we have some wicked, wicked plans, especially during those times that we're upset about our change in circumstances. Although we try not to show it, we all know we want to even change our minds about following this God that we believe in. We want to quit and just say "umm... I knew it would be hard, but I didn't know it was going to be *this* hard." You see? Fickle.

Thank God only the prayers of a righteous man prevail, eh? Because sometimes our own plans can be wicked from something leftover in our hearts. 

What I just got done describing is everything God is not. He is not subject to change, and He doesn't change His mind on plans He made due to some unwanted news.

God is the final say. He doesn't have it, but He is it, and if our lives are a big question, check "yes" or "no", I can only begin to wonder how many eraser marks are left by my own name.

God is constant. He is never- changing and never-ending. THANKFULLY, He chose me (and you) a long time ago, so we never have to wonder "what if He changes His mind about me and decides He doesn't want me anymore?" 

His promises always stand and His word never fails. Ever. 

He cannot tell a lie, and He is Yahweh and He is the same today, yesterday, and forever. 

The same, 
the only thing that's constant in my ever-changing and fast-paced world. 

The one I can always find in the secret, quite place. 

There's no "does He love me today? Did I do something bad enough?" Why? His never-failing word tells us Christ died once for all sinners, the righteous for the unrighteous.

 Who cares if everything around us is fading? He isn't. 

I may change my mind about what time I'm gonna go to church, or the bible reading plan I'm going to follow for a certain year, or even how I choose to serve God in my life some days, but there is one thing I will always know and will never change: the fact that God, this God who loved me so much, enough to take my place in death, is *my* God, and that I want to be in His presence for eternity. I have yet to (and will not, actually) change my mind about that. Never have, never will.

Since the day His grace found me, even my unfaithful nature submits to the fact that I have found a love worth dying for and, better yet, living for. 

I know sometimes our minds play tricks on us, friends, but let's decide that, from now on, let's try to take into account the sheer greatness of our God when making any decisions, and, surely as the sun will rise, He'll keep our eyes on the prize...
Himself.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us."

"So I lay me down... For kingdom come."

The way I saw myself going about life 6 months ago is drastically different than the way I'm living right now. Not in a bad way, just in a completely unexpected way.

"Wanna make God laugh? Tell Him your plans for the future."

It's funny because I bet I made God laugh hard this past year when I made all my plans to get an incredible academic career (incredibly long, that is) and move forward with that while almost completely avoiding ministry in the church specifically. I had decided on a mission field that was accepted by many but not exactly planned by God.

It's so funny that God knew the way I'd end up living while I was still thinking the way I was thinking.
I guess it's true that, with Him, you expect the unexpected.

Like today, I didn't expect what would happen to me at the library. I saw a man sitting there quietly just looking around and I really felt led to go talk to him, and I would have. Really, I would, but I was scared I didn't have the words to say. So I kept quiet. Man, that guy looked so sad, like a lot was on his mind. I'm ashamed that I didn't just go up to him trusting the Holy Spirit to lead me. I wish I would have said something- anything at all! But I didn't. But I guess it's okay because, in a few hours, that will have been yesterday and I'll have moved on to tomorrow... But that poor guy!
I know for a fact he'll be okay, that God will find a way to get ahold of him anyway, and that the loss was my own. I lost today by not being able to partake in God's ministry for the day, and not being a part of His work and, pardon my french, it sucks. I feel awful, but that selfish part of me just doesn't seem to care enough, like she's glad she didnt have to worry about embarrassing herself because she didn't know how to share the gospel "just right."

And Jesus is going to ask -me- what I did unto the least of these, and I'll have to answer. So, hopefully tomorrow I will have a better answer. I didn't really think I'd ever tell this story, seeing as it was just a few minutes at the library, but it's funny how sometimes the stories you never expect to tell are the ones that end up being the most significant and, while I don't know why I felt compelled to tell this story, I know our God is a funny and unexpected God. Maybe after you read this you'll encounter a situation you would have rather not been in, but God is telling you that obedience is better than sacrifice.

I don't know, I don't know...but I did come to conclude from today that the quote "how you spend your days is how you end up spending your life" is very true. What if Jesus swept me up in the middle of my day? What will I have been doing? Preaching the word or running away like a little girl instead of the princess and conqueror he has called me to be? Or will I be catching a couple of extra hours of sleep instead of getting up earlier in the morning to seek after his heart?

Or what about my life as a whole?

Maybe at the end of each day we could all ask ourselves two questions. This way, the days that will add up to equate to our entire lives will have been worth the run. First, we can ask "God, were there parts in my day that would have caught me off gaurd if you would have showed up unexpectedly?"

And

"Did I forget about myself enough to praise you today?"

I don't know.

I just don't know if I like the answer to the first question today, but Im alright because I have new mercy from my father in the morning, and he doesn't condemn me.

But I still lay myself down for kingdom come... Because there's a better version of me, one that I can't really see yet.

Night and remember, God is love perfect enough to strengthen us in our weakness. Mine punched me in the face this afternoon, what's yours?

I just don't know. :)

There's so many places I could go with this, and this might be the right one

So I just spent a lot of time (for a weeknight) writing a blog post all about fear and "where's God when I'm scared?" I spent about an hour and a half writing all that to get the feelings off my chest, but I really felt led to just delete it and start from the beginning again. I wrote about the giant I was facing and how I'm now feeling more doom and dread than I am hope because I saw my situation and it looked a lot bigger than my resources. I talked all about my problem and THEN started writing about how I could fix it with God. I don't have words to describe my frustrations, but I don't really want to spend my time trying. I asked for more of God, so I'm going to feed more off His word than trying to find my own. I feel I'm being tested... Already. So it's also "already" time to encourage myself in the Lord.

Bible time.

What does the Bible say about my fear and desperation so early on in the game?

"God, I'm afraid. Will you help me or will you let me fail?"- Emnet

Emnet,
Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

I really have no more words, but I'm okay with that. I need more of His not my own, and I can already tell you I'm feeling better as it is. I guess today I learned the importance of hiding His word in my heart, no matter the turmoil around it...

Fill me up until I'm overflowing.

So...It's a new dawn, it's a new day and not just because the 2011 calendar says it, but because "His mercies are new EVERY morning." Seeing as its a new day, there are new things I want from this day and the many days following. The one word God has placed on my heart for this year would easily have to be "more." It's almost as though He is saying, "You think You've tasted me?" More. It's the one thing I was so afraid to ask for, but I feel like my Spirit is almost daring me to do it. To ask God for more of His blessings, for more of His face, and, even, for more of His grace. I don't know... It hurts because I don't want to be asking for "too much," but that is one of the most prideful statements I could ever make: to limit grace. To even consider I've ever earned ANYTHING He's given me nevertheless my next breath. To make it seem like, because I haven't done enough, God won't provide "abundantly" more than I could ask for. Like, what??

So, for this new season, I want more.

But not more of my little earthly possessions (although, I'm not going to lie, one in particular would be #nicceee).

More of Him.

I need to become a little more crazy. It's hard, but it's what I am called to be. Don't believe me?

Think about it.
I trust completely in a God I've never seen,

I put my life into the hands of a man I've never met,

and would gladly die for Him if it ever came down to living without Him.

I believe someone I've never met will take me to a place I've never been, and I am called crazy for it, not only that, but I can't seem to get crazy enough about it. But, that's okay because that's the one thing I want more of. . .

More faith.

I want more surrender.  Yeah, more loss, losing myself by the day to make more room for Him.


More. More. More.
I am a child who has tasted and then become hungry, and this child won't stop until she gets more. Lord knows when the day she will be fully satisfied is; when she will find herself completely saturated in His presence where she can't ask for more. When His glory is FULLY embraced, then and, only then, do I resolve to stop wanting more.

Until then, I want more and I'm going to get it when it's time, until the very day that the Lord appears.

HAPPY NEW DAY EVERYBODY!!! Today *and tomorrow* is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be #glad in it... Because He might just give me more even tomorrow than I wanted yesterday..


How crazy is that??

"I can hear You say it's a brand new day."

AHH. It's 2011. Or, even more "ahh," it is no longer 2010. Yepp, over. Gone-o. But, I'm not too sad. I know it's had to have been one of the best years of my life, but I'm ready for more. And, our God is a God that does abundantly more than what we could ask or imagine, and He knows the plans He has for us, ones to prosper us and nothing else. Well, farewell to all the wonderful things of the past and hello to all the new and exciting opportunities/// LES' GOOOO! Short post, YAY! And the first of the year. Let me just start off my year by GLORIFYING GOD.! He is so good. Bless His name. And, hey, I almost got in a car accident righttt before the year ended, just like I did 4 times the week before I turned 16... WOW! haha. But, the funny thing is, I felt God tell me to put on my seat belt right when the car started going onto the main road, but, sure enough, I ignored it and my tummy got a little hurt. But that was last year, and God saved me anyway. So, this year, I'd like to:

1) Obey God more and more easily.
2) Do ALL things as unto Christ
3) Really understand that for me to live is Christ,
4) Complain and stress less, listen to God and
5) be HARD WORKING!!
6) EASY GOING!
well, toodles ya'll. sorry for any grammatical errors that may have occured throughout the writing of this post... well, I was too tired to care... NIGHT!