The Lights Around Here Change Fast, Don't They?

          I think it's suffice to say that I haven't posted since August, and that was the last time I feel I've really had to gather all my thoughts and just somewhat organize everything that's been going on in my life. It's not like I'm really doing big things, I'm just moving forward from where I've been.

           Someone said it. "I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be."

           It's November, and God's teaching me that we're not meant to stay in August forever- to stay in what's been comfortable and what we've come to like. I'm one of those people that absolutely loves summer. I mean, I daydream of the summertime, and I celebrate its start every year. So I'm just going to use that as my example of the harvest season or whatever we Christians describe our spiritually high times as. My August is evidently over- there's snow on its way tomorrow morning, and I'm writing from my new bedroom, a completely different setting/atmosphere than what I'm used to writing in. The point is, though, that maybe winter isn't all bad.
          Since this past summer where God changed my life completely, I've somehow been thrown forward onto this path where I'm not sure where I'm going, I just can't stay where I've been... And that sometimes means leaving people behind.
           If I've talked to you lately about my struggles or the biggest things in life, you may have heard me use the terms 'lonely' or 'alone,' and it's because I've found myself wrestling with them on an almost daily basis for the past couple of months. I've been trying to describe this for a while, and I've been saying things like, "I may be lonely, but I'm never alone... I just feel alone." But I've come to find that maybe I actually am alone.
         When I say I feel alone, there has never been a day in my short, seventeen years of existence where I've truly believed that there was no one with me in an 'empty' room. That is, I have always known in the back of my mind the presence of the Almighty God would never escape me, and I'm a firm believer in the words of Matthew 28:20. . . But I am alone in the sense that no one around me really is seeking out the same things I am. No one cares about what I care about, and no one really feels what I feel when I step into a crowded hallway at school.
         I think it's all because maybe I'm truly becoming a misfit. I'm uncomfortable with a lot of my surroundings now, and I couldn't put my finger on it until I thought about why I was feelings so alone... because I am.

         But, you know what I've discovered? I've discovered that it's not original to wear an original costume on Halloween... You're still dressing up- like everyone else is on that day. That example of last night's holiday I think God brought to my mind to challenge me- to challenge me to really understand what it means to step out and seek what God wants for me in life, and sometimes that can mean feeling and actually being alone because, once you choose to pursue Jesus, you become radical... You step out of what the world is used to and knows, and you step into the unique person God has set you apart to become. Yeah, set you apart to become... not set you with everyone else to become.
       And then I guess you become a misfit, where the things around you just don't satisfy you, and you find that others just don't understand...
       
       And, through all this, I am thankful.  I am thankful because I know that God sees me. He sees that I want to want what He wants for me, and He knows that everyone is looking for someone to follow, so He wants to make me the type of person that will lead them to Him if they choose to follow me.
       That "follow me as I follow Christ" thing that Paul talked about? Yeah, it really is to be walked out.   I'm not gonna say this hasn't been messy, but I seriously see how strong God can be in my weakness. I'm becoming kinda OK with being out of my element at the moment because winter can mean unexpected snow days at school, and, in the words of Francis Chan,
 
       "If life were stable, I'd never need God's help. Since it's not, I reach out for Him regularly. I am thankful for the unknowns and that I don't have control, because it makes me run to God."


       Not only this, but in my most dire moments I guess you could call them, God has sent me verses like Joshua 1:5 to remind me that He's with me all the and way, and we are more than conquerors in Christ. That, yeah, we're alone because we're misfits, and we're misfits because we're alone, but God whispers, "I will never leave you nor forsake you, missy. Ever." I added that 'ever' in... Just as a reminder. For me.

       And, thanks to Steve Jobs and Pastor Chris Durso for relating it back to Christianity in his messages, we have this quote that shows us the road we're traveling is the narrow but rewarding. So I'll leave you with this:


“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo.  You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."