For the longest time now, I had been depending on people for everything from approval to provision & advice, and God has been calling me to get alone with Him, to look only to Him, and to let that be enough for me.
I guess you could say it’s fine to depend on close friends & family, especially if you don’t have anyone else to depend on, but it’s not okay when it comes to God. It’s like having a professional and very willing cook waiting to be called on in your own house, yet going next door to your neighbors and begging for their leftovers from yesterday’s meal for dinner. No matter how close your neighbors may be, what’s the point? I mean, sure, you could still get food that way, but, why would you? And would it taste as good? Would it even be as satisfying? I’m not so convinced. Not only is it thinking backwards and illogically, it is also very rude and offensive to the chef you have waiting on you. That is in a sense saying that you would rather eat your neighbor's scraps than the chef’s entrees; saying that they are better.
I believe it is the same with God. Don’t go to someone who can’t offer you much when someone who has the world in His hands is reaching out for your hand. I was doing just that, and I was failed time and time again and didn’t realize I could have just saved myself the heartbreak. I believe with my whole heart that we are called to love both God & people, and to love our neighbor as ourselves, but I need to be loved by God in order to love people the right way... the way God would have me loving them. I believe you cannot really love something you have a dependency on that they cannot fulfill. To love, to me, is partially to sacrifice, and, if you depend on someone or something, you cannot sacrifice that much for them because you first need them to do something for you.
Humans are not the ones to turn to. They are oftentimes fallible, self-seeking, lacking in wisdom, and, sometimes even simply uninterested. I can’t even begin to tell you how much it hurts when someone you love or care about doesn’t even seem to think twice about something you can’t stop thinking about. Or when you trust them with everything you have, and you are just rejected. When you tell them your dreams and ideas, and they just don't seem to get it. Or when you come to them with a problem, and there’s just nothing they can do about it. Have you ever had that? Where you’ll just go to a friend and bear your soul out, only to get a one-word answer in response? Or, even worse, you find out they weren’t even paying attention? You trust your dreams and visions to them, and they’ll just tear you up with their words of doubt and mockery. They discourage when they should encourage, and ignore when you’re desperate for attention. You can’t blame them, really, because that’s just their nature, and you have someone wayyy better to turn to. He actually understands your problems, thoughts, desires, and hurts, and can actually do something about them, yet you complain and whine to your friends who have very limited understandings of your dealings and might not even completely care.
On top of all that, today, as I was driving with my friend, she told me a VERY interesting fact. A fact God used to confirm what I He was telling me throughout all this. It came up as we were talking about random conversations we have at school, and she told me that she learned in her communications class it’s not good to share something personal with someone just because they’ve shared something personal with you, because they can use it against you for the very purposes of blackmailing you. ISN’T THAT CRAZY?? It just goes to show that God would never want to hear from you just to harm you, and when He tells you His heart, it’s not because He wants to learn something new about you that he can later use against you, but because He truly loves you. And, besides, when it comes to God, there are no secrets... so you might as well tell Him yours.
The best way to do this, because I like to be practical and applicable, is to get your alone time in. As was also brought to my attention at Winterblast, you can’t really get to know someone until you start to spend time with them. Alone time, that is. It’s not that I am in any way trying to demean the corporate fellowship we have to praise God (“Where two or more are gathered, I am there”) and build each other up, I’m just saying, you want to get to know God? Your pastor, as awesome as he may be, can’t do it for you. You have to get alone with God and find His heart as you ask Him to search yours. God is found in the still, quiet place, so get there. And listen, cuz He whispers.
I was running to people for everything and trusting God with my last thing, when, in reality, I should have been running to God and letting people have pieces of me only when they needed to hear it.
I have made it a point to trust humans with less and God with all. Every David needs a Jonathan, but David would be nothing without God.
I want to run to Him with every problem, with every dream, with every frustration, with every hope, with every request, and, God-forbid, with every crush or anything else of the sort, and just tell Him what's on my mind. Tell Him and only Him. That way, He can truly be my best friend, and not tied for first or second place with anybody else.
God help me.
Which He will ;)
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