"In everything he did, David had great success because the LORD was with him."

I know all of my last few posts have been really long and maybe a bit of a drag to read (MAHLET!), or so my sister keeps telling me, but I think I need to just get this down on record before the new year. and then just maybe I'll write something not-so-serious or heavy or whatever, haha. So recently, I was really down on myself and didn't know what to do (specifically) with my life. But, I knew what I wanted out of my life. So, based off of some lyrics from an incredible song written by an incredible role model (Brooke Fraser), I wrote a mission statement type thingy for my new year and, even bigger, my life. I wrote this letter to God, and I don't think the things in here I will ever change my mind about. And, the song, Arithemetic, is seriously my all-time favorite song on the planet. It took me sixteen years to decide, but FINALLY, I have a favorite!! Normally, there's too much music to decide from because I've always love so much music. But this song...this song.... Anyway, here's the letter I wrote Him, almost verbatim.

Dear God,
  
How did David's story end?
      Because I'm at the point where all I want is that
        "When the years are showing on my face,
          and my strongest days are gone,
          when my heart & flesh depart this place,
          from a life that's sung your song,
          You'll still be the one I want,
          You'll still be the one I want,
          You'll still be the one I want."

I guess that's my mission statement.
    But, of course, incorporated in that is so much more.
I want to have lived a life that's "sung Your song" and have You be the one at the end of all of that but, along with that, I want You to be my audience, my one and only; my beginning and my end. I need You, and I want to continue to know I need You, and learn it even more and more every. single. day.
    I want to be empowered by You. I want to live a life full of power, God, because I want to be able to do all the same things that You would be doing, and even more than what You did do. I want to rise above my circumstances every time and be victorious. I don't necessarily think that I'll never be wrong, but I pray I come back You every time. I pray that I would understand your grace and let it be all I need & more.
      I want to be the type of person that hears your voice and knows it. I want Your voice to become more and more recognizable by the day. That, when I hear something, I can easily discern whether or not it's You, because I am just that well-acquainted with you.
     I want to be that person that people would just see my life and know Jesus. Or, at least, want Him. Or at least just see Him.
     I want to be able to know that my life is a vapor, and, yet, not want anything to do with just hanging out in the wind. I want to make some sort of splash in this big old ocean of life I'm in and, like David, make use of even my free time to build for Your future glory.
     I want that person to be one that has had so little of herself, that she can create enough room for Your glory, God.
     And, I'm not saying I want her life to be perfect, because, although I disdain trials and pain, I want to be a person that looks and acts more and more like Jesus the older and older she gets. I want to lose it all for you, only to gain it all back and then some. I want to love and then live incidentally.
     So, if that means I must go through hardships, then I pray that you would do only what you need to do, and allow me to face only what I need to face, God. I pray, like Jesus once did, that, regardless of the pain I have to go through, "Father, have your way." And, in that, I pray that I would be a woman who is found constantly encouraging herself in You. Daily. That I would run to You for strength to make it through a normal day and be filled up then filled up until I have to do it again so that, in that, I can be a a person who continuously "beats up" her "beat downs." I want to worship You in spirit and truth, but first overcome enough to.
     I want to learn to Love God and then Love people, and I capitalize love because it is a being. But, before that, I want to go to God to teach me how to do that. To love what He loves (like people) and hate what He hates, but to know Him well enough to be able to do that. To run to You. I want to be ministered to so that I can minister to others. I want to pour into people, but, first, I want to allow God to pour into me. Then fill + refill me. Again and again and again.
     I want to build and create impacting + life-changing relationships, but, I want You to be my one and only. I want to get alone, but never really alone, actually, because You are with me. I want best friends, but a better friend in Him. To tell Him all my secrets and love Him more than the world + anything OR anyoneand l o v e.
      I want to move in excellence but exchange burdens with Him so I can do so more easily. To have my spirit almost be one with the H o l y Spirit. To be pure in heart but still avoid pride, run + turn from it so that I may be lead gladly by You.
     I want to be so hardworking that people wonder why and so into you that I become into serving You,  but, in that, I may never forget to rest. I want: to set the world on fire and actually be a planetshaker, to be where You are, to run until I *finish* the race, to be able to                 that uplift people ,just so I can be apart of Your work, and to have a story of victory tat brings out a song of praise, just so I can honor You.
     I want to get to see You because, to do all these things, I'm going to need to, and maybe I'll act on so much of Your heart that I'd actually find it... while I'm here. Help me see You. Give me even more vision. ---->
Help me.

-Emnet. 12.19.10

"In everything he did, David had great success because the LORD was with him..."
I want people to be able to say that about me when I die, or even when I'm older than I am now.